Friday 1 April 2011

CHINA BUYS NORTHERN IRELAND

Following several months of secret negotiations, China has bought a 100 year lease on Northern Ireland from the British government. The GBP70 billion deal wipes out Britain's national debt and gives China trading and political benefits, including membership of the European Union.

The transfer of power is expected to take place on May 1st, 2011.

The Republic of Ireland has guaranteed not to challenge China's annexation of Northern Ireland in exchange for China agreeing to pay off the Irish national debt. All Ireland's nationalised and part nationalised banks will be transferred to the Bank of China as part of the deal. This will enable the Chinese to develop banking operations in Europe.

Sources close to Beijing say the Chinese will develop Northern Ireland into a low tax manufacturing, logistics and trading centre.

The Northern Ireland assembly will go into emergency session today to discuss the plans. In an unusual show of unity all of Northern Ireland's parties are said to be against the deal.

A spokesman for the British government said "this historic agreement will ensure Britain enjoys a bright economic future. There will be benefits for the people of Northern Ireland and for all of the people of the British Isles from having China invest its national surplus on our shores. It will secure jobs, bring peace and create economic growth for years to come."

A spokesman for Northern Ireland's biggest politcal party, the Democratic Unionists, described the deal as "utter foolishness".

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY

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